Jeff: Things have gotten crazy around here, so we’re taking the easy way out and giving you more videos!  YAY!  No, seriously, we’ll get back to audio shortly.  In the meantime, here’s a video.

Jeff: Well, here’s one more video for you (next week we’ll get back to recording some audio).  This comes to us from 2007, and it was MCQ’s second gig ever.  And Floyd and I wanted to write an introductory rap….but we wanted to mess with each other, too.  So we agreed to write a rap, rhyming “quartet” in each lyric, alternating alphabetically.  And if THAT isn’t confusing enough, we wrote the lyrics for each other, so neither one of us had any idea beforehand what was on the cards we were reading.  It turned out to be a lot of fun and, if I knew all the lyrics, I’d write them up for you.  But I don’t, so just enjoy the video.  Next week, more new songs!

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Words and Beats:  The Mathematically Challenged Quartet

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Jeff: Um, yeah.  There’s not a whole lot to say about this one.  Just enjoy.

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Lyrics:

Hey there girl let’s go out and get naughty
I’ll take you out to a nice chicken sauté
Just you and me girl and a waiter who’s snotty
Forget him let’s have a nice sexy party

After a bottle of wine and some potatoes au gratin
Maybe you’ll want some desert, maybe some flan
Maybe I’ll even pay the bill, a free meal you’ve gotten
Or if we’re out at Chinese you’ll have a sexy won ton

You and me and a jar of peanut butter
You and me there could be no other

You and me and a bottle of Nutella
You and me and 5 or 6 other fellas

Hey there girl let’s go back to my barbecue
I’ll make you a hot and juicy curry vindaloo
If you want you can bring your stinky sister, too
She’ll eat the best meal she’s had since she got back from picachu

After I clean up the pinot noir that you’ll spill
I’ll take your wine glass and yes, I’ll refill
You’ll fall for me as I clean up your mess, yes you will
And I’ll take off all my clothes as I finish up at the grill

You and me and a box of nutter butters
You and me and my two older brothers

You and me and a big ol’ renaissance fair turkey leg
You and me, c’mon baby don’t make me beg

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Words and Music:  Jeff C.

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Jeff: Here’s another video of a song from the MCQ gig at the Boulder Fringe Festival last month.  This is “Big Dog,” which, if you recall, is song #29 in our countdown of the year’s best 52 songs  (All of a sudden, I feel like Kasey Kasem!).  Anyway, we took that song and turned it into our 1980s themed song for the show, so any resemblances to Devo, living or dead, are purely on purpose.  Actually, it sounds more like a Kraftwerk song, but it looks like a Devo song.  And yes, we are wearing bathrobes and showing our Big Dogs to the audience.  See what you miss when you skip an MCQ show?  Enjoy.  Next week, you’ll learn how to properly use Nutella.

Lyrics:

When it’s Friday and you’re lonely and confused
You’re walking the city streets bemused
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show ‘em the Big Dog

When it’s Saturday night and it’s very late
You walking through the mall looking for a date
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show ‘em the Big Dog

Woof woof, woof woof

Keep the Big Dog inside until you see a pretty girl
Then it’s the Big Dog that you should unfurl
I got a feeling she’ll take the Big Dog for a stroll
As long as she doesn’t call animal control

When you’re out with a girl, somebody you just met
You think she might be looking for something to pet
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show her the Big Dog

When you’re at your job and your boss is being a dick
He’s hanging with the guy he promoted over you, he made the wrong pick
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show ‘em the Big Dog

Keep the Dog inside until you see a pretty girl
Then it’s the Big Dog that you should unfurl
I got a feeling she’ll take the Big Dog for a stroll
As long as she doesn’t call animal control

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Words and music:  Jeff C.

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Jeff: Here’s another video from the MCQ Boulder Fringe Festival; it’s Floyd’s song, and we’ve played it several times, but usually with instruments.  For this show, however, we decided to try it acapella.  I guess I should explain something:  Our shtick for this show was that we are the “Unluckiest Band In The World,” and that every song we put out was immediately eclipsed by a better, more well known song by some other artist.  And so we arranged our songs in a chronological order (and changed some of them to fit) so that MCQ played a song from the 1950s, a couple from the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, and our last song was a techno jam from the early 21st century.  So in last week’s video for “Pirate,” we were dressed like Simon and Garfunkel because that was our 1960s folksy song.  This video, as you’ll see, has us as a boy band, which is why we did it acapella.  Think ‘NSync meets Backstreet Boys.  MCQ Style.  If there is such a thing.  Enjoy.

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Words and Music:  Floyd J.

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Jeff: Because Saturday is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, we (The Mathematically Challenged Quartet) give you our 1960s almost-mega-hit, “Talk Like A Pirate,” as performed at the 2009 Boulder Fringe Festival.  There are some dirty words in it, so keep the kids and co-workers away.  Enjoy.

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Words and Music:  MCQ

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Jeff: Well, it’s MCQ week around here….which means MCQ has our one gig of the year Thursday night!  Yeah, we don’t play much, but we’re always worth it when we do play.  Why?  Well, because we always write new songs for our gigs  (In fact, I think we’re playing all of 3 songs we’ve ever played before at this gig).   And we’re always silly.  And this year, we have CHOREOGRAPHY.  That’s right, when was the last time you saw three 30-40 year old men take on Frankie Valli-type choreography?  Never?  Neither have we.  But we’re gonna attempt it.  So please, if you have any opportunity to do so, come to the Laughing Goat Coffee House in Boulder, Colorado, Thursday night, August 13, at 8:30.  It’s only $5.00, and it’ll be totally worth it.  You’ll laugh your ass off, we’ll make asses of ourselves so you can do that, and it’ll be a good night.  And, if all goes well, MCQ MIGHT just be playing Red Rocks next summer.  That’s where we’re headed, folks.  So please come out and support the band and have a good time.  And, for you lushes out there – you KNOW who you are – the Laughing Goat now serves alcohol.

Anyway, since it’s MCQ week, I’m hard at work in the Vegas Bound studios, putting together the new songs, and this week’s HYHTO submission is a peak into a creative process.  You see, these two songs are brand new; so new, I don’t even know how they quite go, yet.  In fact, I just sat down at the piano today and figured out how “Big Dog” goes, and then, because I couldn’t remember the vocal line (I recorded it into my Blackberry as I was at the piano), I needed to record it on computer so I could listen to it a few times and be able to rehearse it with the band on Wednesday, when they come here for an all day rehearsal.  So I recorded it, mostly for my own good.  And “Creamy Filling” is a tune we’re going to do, where each guy writes his own bit, introducing himself.   So I needed to record that so my bandmates can hear how it goes and write some words accordingly.  So all you’ll hear here is about 1/3 of the whole song, but you’ll get the flavor of how it goes.  If you want to hear all of it, you’ll have to show up Thursday night.  Enjoy.

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Lyrics:

Creamy Filling:

Leo and I’m Jeff
I like welding and moldy cheese
British comedy and lampshades
Ticks and lice but definitely not fleas

If you tell me you like me
I’ll respond indifferently
But ignore that ‘cuz deep inside
I got something I don’t wanna hide

It’s my creamy filling baby
My yummy insides that
Make you feel good when you try
My warm delicious nougat

Big Dog:

When it’s Friday and you’re lonely and confused
You’re walking the city streets bemused
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show ‘em the Big Dog

When it’s Saturday night and it’s very late
You walking through the mall looking for a date
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show ‘em the Big Dog

Woof woof, woof woof

Keep the Dog inside until you see a pretty girl
Then it’s the Big Dog that you should unfurl
I got a feeling she’ll take the Big Dog for a stroll
As long as she doesn’t call animal control

When you’re out with a girl, somebody you just met
You think she might be looking for something to pet
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show her the Big Dog

When you’re at your job and your boss is being a dick
He’s hanging with the guy he promoted over you, he made the wrong pick
All you’re wearing is a trench coat London Fog
What you gonna do? You’re gonna show ‘em the Big Dog

Keep the Dog inside until you see a pretty girl
Then it’s the Big Dog that you should unfurl
I got a feeling she’ll take the Big Dog for a stroll
As long as she doesn’t call animal control

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Words and Music:  Jeff C.

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Jeff: The Mathematically Challenged Quartet, or MCQ as we’re known, has its annual Boulder Fringe Festival gig in 3 weeks and, as a result, we’re working on some new tunes.  This is one of them.  I probably had the idea in the shower (I don’t remember) and, yes, there is a dance associated with the song.  If you’d like to see the dance, you’re going to have to come to the Laughing Goat Coffee House in Boulder, Colorado, on August 13 at 8:30.  We’re going to do the dance there and only there…unless we get to play Red Rocks next summer.  Then we’ll do the dance again.  Don’t laugh – the Red Rocks gig is a possibility.  More on that later.  In the meantime, enjoy.

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Lyrics:

MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo
MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo

Hey there, hey there baby bubba
I walk in and you go hubba hubba
I’ll take you to London Paris and France
But we first we gotta do our dance

MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo
MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo

Gayer than the Village People, Chic-er than Chic
You wonder about our funk well here’s a little peak
Please don’t stroke it it might want to prance
And it’s time to do our dance

MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo
MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo

If we were George Michael we’d want your sex
If you look in our pants you’ll find a T Rex
On our weekends we garden, yeah we plant plants
But now we gotta do our dance

MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo
MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo

Cooler than ice intelligenter than Jane Austen
Even “Emma” wants us don’t be mistaken
Us meeting her would be happenstance
And now it’s time to do our dance

MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo
MCQ, MCQ Bugaloo

You might think we’re a funk band
‘cuz that’s what we play for you
You might think we’re a crunk band
But we don’t know what that is, do you?

You might think we’ve got
Heavy metal in our pants
We’re gonna let you think about that
While we do our sexy dance

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Music and Lyrics:  Jeff C.

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Jeff: This is a song I wrote for MCQ a couple of years ago, and it’s a silly one.  The chord changes and the melody lines came about one evening years ago while I was noodling around on the piano and I wrote them down (on an actual music staff!), and I wrote the first two lines, but never knew where it was going….until MCQ started playing.  And I needed a funny song.  So I took the first two lines and extrapolated…and that’s about it.  We’ve played this song several times in our shows; typically Floyd fills in with kazoo between the verses.  If you’d like to see some of that (and who wouldn’t?), don’t forget about the MCQ gig August 13 at the Boulder Fringe Festival!  It’s gonna be a fantasmically good time.  And, if you show up, I’ll show you what’s REALLY in the Lunch Loaf.  Enjoy.

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Lyrics:

The first time I met you I was smitten
Slicing cheese at the deli
I asked you if you had some gouda
You replied “yes, but it’s smelly.”

I was really hungry so I asked you
“What’s in the lunch loaf?”
you said the ingredients were secret
And if I wanted to know I’d have to take an oath

And you were funny
And you were funny
And you were funny
And I really liked that

I really liked you
I really liked you
I really liked you
So I hung around all day

You said your shift was going to be over
And that you’d have to leave
I asked you if you lived nearby
You didn’t tell me ‘cuz you were peeved

I think you’re cute when you’re angry
And I offered you a ride up town
You said thanks but no thanks
‘cuz you live downtown with a frown

Yes means yes and no means yes
And “I’m going to call my supervisor” also mean yes

And you were still funny
And you were still funny
And you were still funny
And so I followed you home

You walked home from the deli
I know you did but you don’t know I know
I watched you turn left on Clarkson
The street not the Kelly …..oh

You looked out the window and you saw me
Standing there in front of your building #3
I asked you if we could go out sometime
You said something like get the hell away from me

I asked you if you’d like me to leave
You said yes, yes, yes please
I said “yes means yes I understand”
“but no means yes, too so I’ll just stand here and freeze”

Yes means yes and no means yes
And “I’m going to call the fucking cops you weirdo pervert stalker” also means yes…….

I’m not a weirdo
I’m not a pervert
I’m not a stalker
I’m just your best friend

I’m your bestest lover
You’ll take me home to mother
We’ll spend our lives together
But if you call the cops this relationship will end.

I write you this song from my jail cell
I’ve got a girlfriend now who’s a big ol’ oaf
His name is Jimmy and he’s lovely
And he showed me what’s in the lunch loaf……

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Words and Music:  Jeff C.

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This song, from the MCQ catalog, is based on a true story.  No, not “based;” it is a true story.  Except for the last verse, which is the punchline.  I made that up.  But seriously, back in the day when I worked corporate, I had a boss who loved to talk to me in the bathroom.  I’d go in there, stand at the urinal, unzip, let the stream flow, and the door would open.  And it happened so often that I knew immediately who it was and the stream stopped flowing, because I can’t talk and pee at the same time.  “So, Jeff, you ready for the meeting this afternoon?”  Now this boss was a great guy in every sense of the word….except for this.  He’d do it to everybody, too.  We’d almost have to time our trips to the bathroom to avoid conversations, ya know?   And the guy didn’t have any ulterior motives for it; it was just his way of being socially awkward.  So, naturally, I wrote a song about it.

MCQ has played this song many times over the past couple of years and, at some point, we realized it would go well as a reggae song.  This past Friday night Floyd came over and we drank a couple of beers and we sequestered ourselves in the Vegas Bound Studios (my office) and we recorded this version of “Jerry.”  I was going to sit down and edit it today but I listened to it and you know what?  I’m not going to edit it at all.  You get the raw version, warts and all.   There are some funny moments in it, and the banter and silly background vocals represent what we do on stage in our live shows, so there you have it.  The MCQ Reggae Style version of “Jerry.”  Enjoy.

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Lyrics:

I go to work in an office every day
I do a lot of work a lot for little pay
Every morning I have 4 cups of coffee
And that, well, that makes me want to pee….

I go to the bathroom to drain my vas deferens
I stand at the urinal yeah, that’s my preference
My boss comes in, he prefers to sit, and he wants to talk
I think to myself, Hey, can’t you see I’m draining my rock?

Jerry
Can’t you see I’m busy?
I’ve got my dick in my hand
And you’re sitting on the can
This really ain’t the time to be talking about business
Even though we’re doing our business
But that’s a different kind of business
And it’s really none of your business
Jerry

I don’t really like to talk when I’m a peein’
Maybe you’d like that if you were European
I have to concentrate to get good flow
Leave me alone man I really gotta go

Then one day we go to a meeting
My bladder is full and the feeling isn’t fleeting
I need to drain my vein, my bladder to protect
I go to the john, my boss comes in and says, “Hey, how are you doing on the Brazilian project?”

Jerry
Can’t you see I’m busy?
I’ve got my dick in my hand
And you’re sitting on the can
This really ain’t the time to be talking about business
Even though we’re doing our business
But that’s a different kind of business
And it’s really none of your business
Jerry

I figure he doesn’t realize what a violation of space this is
Maybe I’ll show him maybe he’ll get his
So I go to his house to impose on his life
I go to his house to watch him having sex with his wife

Jerry
I can see you’re busy
You’ve got your wife in the bed
Maybe she’s giving you head
Maybe you’re giving her the bone
You know I wouldn’t be here if you’d just leave me alone……….Jerry.

Words and Music:  Jeff C.

Performance:  Floyd De Santa Maria and Jefe De Chula Vista (The Mathematically Challenged Quartet)